The Importance of Sleep
My Fantasy
In my big boy grown-up fantasy, I live a life in which I sleep well most nights. I wake up feeling refreshed, ready — and excited — to take on the adversities of my day. I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, feeling the sheets under me. I smile to myself and look forward to my day and the adventures I will encounter. Ah yes. Rest.
Instead, I wake up at 5am to pee because I drank chamomile tea (a part of my bedtime routine), then start problem-solving work issues. I know I shouldn't, but I end up reaching for my phone and playing WW2 documentaries in the background. I then lull myself to sleep to war crimes as I — hopefully — get a couple more hours of sleep before I have to go to work. Ah yes. The grind of life.
The thing is, I don't think I'm asking for a lot. I just want good sleep 80% of the time. I feel like that's a reasonable ask. I'll take 75% if that's all I can get.
For those of you who are knocked out within 15 minutes of laying your head down on your pillow and who stay asleep the entire night — consider yourselves blessed. You don't know what you have, and I earnestly hope you continue to sleep well. It is not to be taken lightly.
My Sleep Adventures
Running on low sleep over the last many months, I observe how emotionally thin I become. The stresses of work feel insurmountable. The relationship anxiety is so much louder. The doubts become amplified, and suddenly I am a ball of worry and anxiety.
I've gone through a number of sleep-related experiments. I put my scientist cap on and, for a time, tried to solve my sleep issues.
I began by purchasing a series of Costco pillows. I took pictures, documented the price, tried them out for a couple of weeks, and then — just about every time — ended up returning them. I must have gone through three or four iterations of this.
Then, after reading numerous Reddit essays, I purchased a Pacific Coast down pillow. The sleep actually did improve for a time, but as it turns out, feathers are organic materials and become flattened over time. I washed my pillow, but you never quite get the initial puff it comes with.
At this point, I sleep on a Coop pillow. I like it, though when it arrived, I found it lacked head support, so I had to add additional fill from the provided box. My only complaint is that I have to toss it in the dryer fairly often to fluff it up. I refused to believe that my head is that heavy, but it is what it is. It works for now.
At some point, I thought the mattress was the issue. I reached out to Costco to inquire about their return policy, and the representative instantly gave me a refund on a one-year-old used mattress. The new one arrived shortly after. I outfitted it with a gel cooling mattress topper and a down comforter.
It took me way too long to understand, but investing in your sleep situation is always worth it. After all, if sleep is so important, you should chase maximum comfort for the sake of consistency.
Going Forward
At this point, I'm fairly certain my lack of sleep is not due to my bed situation, but primarily due to work. Finding an eerily prescient journal entry from a year ago, I realized I've been under a tremendous load for about a year and a half. At this point, I just need to find an exit — and hopefully, I can sleep better.
Maybe trading off a job you like, but one that enormously stresses you out, for something more boring really is worthwhile. Maybe then I can find other things to be stressed about. I don't expect that to fix everything, but I can dream.