Misunderstandings
Today I feel emotionally tired and worn.
Basically – C and I had a phone conversation a few days ago. She vented about work and her practice. I listened, but I somehow felt smaller the more we talked. She asked me how my day was and I spoke a bit about it, but her day (unintentionally) overshadowed mine.
I mentioned that I was watching Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. I wanted to tell her more about it, but she said she's familiar with it as her ex really liked that movie. I felt a bit shot down, so I tried to let it go, but it bothered me, so I brought it back up and she gave me a chance to say something more about it. By that time, though, I didn't have much more to add.
I sat with the conversation for a couple of days and decided to send her a text today. I said that I felt a bit sidelined during our conversation. She apologized and asked for specifics. My reasoning was kind of vague but I tried to communicate anyway. Her responses were graceful and receptive, but also expressed frustration. She felt like I was not receptive to her talking about the bad and good things of her life, and to be fair, she did listen to me a lot and offer support.
She wants to be able to express what she wants to express without me feeling vulnerable and small. I don't think anybody is really at fault here, but of course I want her to feel heard and understood. I reiterated that.
Later
We met that day evening to talk. She cried. I cried. But it was good, and we both understood one another a little bit more. I requested we talk about this kind of stuff only in person – there's too many misunderstandings over text.